Day 1: Welcome to Yuppydom

It made it out of bed not by the alarm but rather by the screaming from the bedroom on the other side of the house. Andy had woken up, later than usual but midly out of sorts from his usual cheery morning self. The second I cracked the door and peered in, the crocodile tears suddenly disappeared and a grin like a rainbow wrapped around his face clear from ear to ear.

Andy crawled up in his high chair and I filled the SpongeBob cup to the brim with Sunny D. Does anyone else find even the thought of SpongeBob irritating? I can hear his excruciating laugh in my sleep and his huge open smile staring at me off the cup first thing sent chills crawling like fleas up my spine. It was like he was laughing at me as he welcomed me to the world of unemployment.

Jim asked me if I was going to stick to my goal of making breakfast for everyone before they parted for the day. I wasnt sure how to react to that, parts of me wanted to slap him across the face. However, I let my competitive strongwilled nature get the best of me. I whipped up breakfast burritos with bacon and "free range", whatever the hell that means, eggs. Andy and Jim inhaled them to the last bite. I felt as if I had at least been somewhat the domestic diva for the first thirty minutes of the day, so I was off the hook for the rest of it. Did I set the bar for too high for my first day? Would they be expecting this everyday? Newsflash this domestic engineer will not be running the Waffle House every morning.

Within minutes the house was quiet...dead silence...all alone. Hmmm, now what? I felt like the first yuppy domestic thing to do would be to drop by the gym for a morning workout. It might be the first workout I have had since the half marathon and decided this was the perfect time to start. I pulled on my spandex and headed out.

The area with the machines were amazingly quiet for nine in the morning and then it occurred to me, everyone was at work, but me. I flipped through various channels and landed on Regis and Kelly. Isnt that what stay at homes watch? Right after the second commercial break a flood of children and moms came pouring in. The kids all ran to the daycare room around the corner and the moms met at the tables right next to the cardio equipment. Thirty minutes went by and Regis and Kelly changed to the View and the moms were still chatting. Hmmm. I figure they use the gym for a sitter service and gossip about their friends, neighbors or family for the first forty five minutes of their workout. Finally, the congregation parted for what I guessed was the cool down of their exhausting exercise session.

I made my way downstairs and lifted weights. Mistake. I already was feeling what would be tomorrows pain. I noticed my celluite was being highlighted under the florescent lights. I swear it was glittering like the water on Shamu, all I needed was a tank. Clearly in the midst of everything else I had forgotten,my body was another thing. Two hundred crunches later I was ready to head back home.

The rain was not the only thing coming down in sheets but the overwhelming feeling of depression poured down and washed over me as well as I crossed the bridge home. That empty, "Now what?", feeling settled in the pit of my stomach for the second time that day. I realized how out of place I was driving home at 9 am instead of to work, walking on a treadmill at 10 am instead of sitting in a meeting. This wasnt my reality, my place or my universe. This wasnt me.Yet it is me and I have to figure the new me out.

I managed to fill the rest of the afternoon with chores around the house, cleaning out the pantry that used to be coordinated and now was a heaping mess. I put clothes in the washing machine, wondering how my husband filled in for Mr. Mom for so long. I had not so much as looked torwards the laundry room for 6 months yet I had clothes every day that were fresh and clean. Short of the Dreft Fairy visiting I was sure this was one more ball that had been dropped. I was shaken out of my further depressed state when the phone rang.

You have got to be kidding me. I missed registering Jack for school. I am officially the worst mother, spouse, homemaker, board member, etc. How was it I found balance at one time and now nothing was in my control. I felt like a snow globe had been shaken and I was trying to catch all of the flakes before they hit the bottom. It wasnt possible. At that moment I knew it was time to suck it up and regain balance and focus and family and faith and all of the things people crave and need.

I watched what I thought was everything slide through my fingers on election night, what I didnt realize was that everything that mattered was already gone.

Emergingly Unemployed

I am fairly certain that whomever nominated me for the Emerging Leader Award probably didnt think that I would be accepting it Emergingly Unemployed. I had managed to dodge reality for a week vacationing with the boys and felt I was prepared to face it on the 8 hour drive home. My first day back started with a destinationless stroll with my husband that included coffee and ended with breakfast at the chain around the corner.

Jim and I had contemplated going back to the dreaded house that we could not sale on the mountain due to size. Who am I kidding, it had nothing to do with size, the thing has been on the market for five years and empty for the last five months.In addition to my preparation plan to face reality I also perused multiple books looking at various paint colors and gardening options to make sure that the house we were retunring to was "ours" and not "theirs". The ex wife that is. I will miss our beautiful view and walks to breakfast.

After our morning jaunt in heat that feltsimilar to running a marathon on the surface of the sun, I drug myself back in the house and prepared for our aimless afternoon. The came day flew by and the evening came much to fast, Jim and I dressed and headed to our evening function.

This weekends pick was the Leadership Chattanooga 25th Anniversary Celebration. I very much cherished the program and was so greatful for all of the blessings that followed and the encouragement it instilled. However, I knew that I was a finalist for Emerging Leader. In most instances I would have been thrilled, but I just could'nt figure out how I could accept the award, unemployed. All the same the three finalists were called to the stage. I had been practicing my acceptance speech all day, determined if I won I had to sound spectacular and maybe everyone would forget of the loss the week before and the fact I was jobless.

My hands started to trimble and all of the sentences that I had seamlessly memorized were now jumbled in my brain. And then it happened....my name was called. I stepped up on the stage to accept my hand blown trophy with "Emerging Leader" etched on the base. Yep thats me....Emerging Leader. My first day back into reality put about as much stress on me as it possibly could have. I now had 200 people staring at me wondering what I was going to do or be to lose the "Emerging" and just be a "Leader". The worst part is the one who was wondering the most,.............was me.

Sunday began with a rather morbid church service where I spent the whole time drawing names and combinations of names wondering what on earth I was going to do if we had another boy. Halfway through the sermon the ONLY thing my mind would focus on was Picadilly. In 31 years I have never focused on a cafeteria I assure you but the thought of veggies peaked my senses. My husband was sweet enough to forgo his yuppy coffee and omelets at our usual Sunday brunch spot to quench my craving. I am certain that we were the only people in there under the age of 70 and I couldnt help but wonder what the draw was for elderly and cafeterias, their like a mosquitos to light.

Our afternoon was encompassed shopping for mini-vans. Similar to my cravings for vegetables that all taste the same, I have never considered a mini-van. I would be unemployed with a mini-van. I was becoming more and more like "them". School started next week for Jack and short of pulling up with a Vera Bradley bag it occured to me that I was now one of "them".

My first dose of harsh reality will come in the morning, the first Monday morning in over 12 years that I have not woken up to head to work. I am dreading even going to bed with the sinking feeling in the pit of my gut. Still wondering what on earth this Emerging Leader will become.....tomorrow it will just be a mom and wife......